Having an Out of Character Experience
by Schinske
Summary: Hermione is acting a little... different.


Having an Out of Character Experience

by Schinske

rated PG-13 (for now) for some language.

All disclaimers apply and all that mess. (like _I_ could afford something like that) The individual "Derrick Smith" is purely fictitious. Any resemblance to any one being living or dead is purely coincidental. 

Author's Note: If you're gonna review, please do so. What? You expected me to BEG?! What in the nine hells have you been smoking?!? -ahem-

=== And now for something completely different ===

Have you ever had one of those days when you didn't want to do much of anything except crawl into a friends lap and just stay there? Strangely, that's how Hermione felt. But she didn't show it. It was nearly time to leave for the train that would take her to Hogwarts and her parents were mad as hell. For what reason, Hermione didn't know and she didn't care. She rolled her eyes in boredom and turned the music up on her cd player. Loud, heavy music blasted through the headphones, her mother snapped at her to turn it down but Hermione just glared back and turned it up all the more louder. Everything will get better once she climbed out of the car and walked through the wall to the station. Far away from her parents, the stupid idiots. Sure, they were smart about _some _things but not all things and certainly not about magic. Hate for her parents welled up in her and she held back the urge to scream. The heavy rock music, a present from an American friend, came to an end, Hermione quickly hit the "repeat" button so she wouldn't have to hear her mother nagging about the "dangerous" influence of such music. It was bad enough her mother nagged her about the clothes she wore, she didn't need her mother - or father for that matter - nagging about her choice of music. Hermione checked her bag, another present from her American friend. It was a wonderful bag, it would cast a spell to shrink her things - such as books, clothes, even her trunk and the better part of her room - and set them safely inside so she didn't have to carry so many items and it would look like she was just going on an overnight trip by train. The car stopped and Hermione got out and slammed the door shut as hard as she could. The back window shattered. Hermione didn't even flinch, she just continued on her way into the station. She weaved this way and that, by-passing people and picking a few pockets while she was at it. Hermione caught sight of Ron and on purposely walked past him, ignoring both him and Harry and stepped up into the train. Her two friends gawked.

"Ron, Ron," Harry tugged on Ron's sleeve urgently. "Was that Hermione?"

"uh... if you mean that babe clad in leather," Ron visibly gulped. " ...chains," Ron's voice squeaked. "And fishnet stockings then I would have to say yes."

"What... happened?" Harry chocked.

"You know," Ron began, shaking the image of his 'pure' female friend out of his immediate thoughts. "There is this wonderful way of finding things out. I hear about it all the time, it's called 'asking.' Ever hear of it?"

"Shut up and just get on the train," Harry booted his friend in the butt and followed suit.

Hermione sat in the back train car, her black booted feet perched on the seat across from her, sucking on a chocolate lollipop. She had turned off the music she was listening to and simply stared out the window, neither of the boys dared to ask her what she was thinking, from the looks of things it couldn't be good.

"H-hi Hermione," Ron meowed out after Harry jabbed him in the gut. "What, uh, just to say - er..."

"What the hell happened to you?" Harry blurted out.

Ron glared at him and Harry shrugged back. Hermione didn't say anything for a while. The boys both made sure their things were put away properly and took the two remaining seats and asked again.

"You want to know what happened to me?" Hermione asked with a smirk on her face. "Nothing happened to me. How could it?"

Hermione got up from her chair and grabbed Harry by the collar, pulling him out of his seat and pushing him into the seat next to Ron. She made a show of putting her hands on her hips. Ron and Harry exchanged looks and looked up at Hermione. She could read both boys as if they were open books; they were scared. Not just scared, terrified. Hermione smiled darkly before she even thought of answering her own question.

"I am never left alone, not by anybody!" Hermione growled. "Never! I am always either with my parents - when I'm home for holidays - or with you two baboons." Her voice dripped with distaste. "Always being pestered by teachers, peers, and you two. Get a clue little boys," Hermione grabbed her bag and spun on her friends. "Have you ever heard the term 'Ignorance is Bliss'? Knowledge is deadly."

Hermione kicked the door open and walked out.

Both Ron and Harry sat in their seats, sweat beading on their brows. Finally Ron let out a long sigh, he'd been holding his breath throughout the whole lecture and he wasn't sure he wanted to see Hermione anytime soon.

"Gee, think she was mad?" Ron joked, trying to lighten the tension. Harry hit him.

"What do you think happened?" Harry asked, as if the act of hitting Ron never happened.

Ron rubbed his arm in thought. "Maybe something happened between her and her folks?"

"Maybe," Harry nodded. "You know, while I was checking my things in the baggage car I heard a third year say he saw Hermione slam her folk's car door so hard it shattered."

"I think," Ron said softly, as if Hermione was standing outside the door. "She might, just possibly, be mad."

"What was it that friend of her's used to say? The American guy," Harry thought silently for a minute. "Oh yeah, 'No good can come from this.'"

"Agreed."

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"So we can agree," Derrick Smith's image said. "She's very out of character. Has she told you anything that might have happened?"

Harry and Ron exchanged looks and turned back to the fireplace to confer with Hermione's American friend. He was handsome enough, as far as the two was concerned, with dark colored hair and deep blue eyes that could hypnotize anyone into telling him even their darkest secrets. Like Harry, Derrick sported a scar but his was inflicted by a hunting accident gone wrong, with the long scar running from his left temple down to his collar bone in a straight line. Harry was tempted to ask him about it but knew he shouldn't, after all, Hermione could find out and she doesn't even know that the three boys are talking. Much less, about her.

"No," Ron shook his head. "She won't tell us anything. What has she told you?"

"Just the normal," Derrick shrugged. "Things about how she's doing in her studies, her friends and sending me a copy of the newspaper you guys get every now and then, we tend to talk about the news as well. Other then that, she's told me nothing as of late. Sorry guys." Derrick turned around and looked behind him, it seemed a party was going on. Harry and Ron could hear the party music blasting in the background. "Sorry about that guys, I guess the graduation parties are still going on."

"Graduation?" Ron asked. "But our sixth year just started-"

"Yours might have just started," Derrick agreed. "But I just had my last year of Wizarding School."

"And you are how old?" Harry asked, confused. Derrick seemed to be the same age as both he and Ron.

"I just turned nineteen last week," Derrick answered. He laughed at the expressions on the other two boys faces. "Don't worry, Hermione and I are just friends. I would never do anything to hurt her. Take care of my girl, ok? I want her back to normal as soon as possible. Keep me updated or I'll be forced to use drastic measures."

Ron yelped and Harry gulped, Derrick's image bowed and disappeared before the boys could promise anything.

"Think he's serious?" Ron asked. "I seen those American movies, their mafia is scary enough without _him _in it!"

"I don't want to think about it," Harry confessed. When, actually, he was. Hermione sure knew some crazy people. 

"Americans are crazy," Ron mumbled, trying to seem fearless when the only emotion Harry could pick up on was simply fear.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Just don't let him hear you say that."

Ron blanched, thinking of all the terrible things that Derrick Smith could possibly do to him.

"Stop thinking that Ron." Harry said and got up off the floor, he stretched to get the creak out of his back and yawned softly. Hermione was already in the girl's dormitory, sleeping Harry figured. He picked up his school books and flipped through the pages, not really reading any of it. Music suddenly blasted from the girls dorm. It was so unexpected that Harry dropped his copy of _Hogworts: A History_ right on Ron's head. Ron yelped, not because of the book, but because of the sudden appearance of music. Both boys got up and skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs, Harry grabbed one of the second year girls running down and pulled her to the side.

"What's going on?" He asked urgently.

"It's Hermione Granger," The girl said. "She's somehow managed to get that thing to work and refuses to turn the noise down so she turned it up."

"Make her stop!" Another girl grabbed Ron by the collar of his shirt. "Please, make her stop!"

"Alright, alright," Ron and Harry managed to jerk themselves free and made their way up the stairs with Harry's Firebolt.

Everything was not what they expected. It was... well... clean. Hermione was stretched out on her bed, reading the insert to an AC/DC "Back in Black" album. The album that Derrick had sent to her. Hermione turned down the music and rolled off the bed when she seen Ron and Harry.

"What do you want?"

Again, she had put her hands on her hips. This time Ron and Harry both got a real good look of what she was wearing. Black leather shorts, fishnet stockings, a dog collar with spikes, black halter top and a heavy black coat complimented it all, heavy black leather boots included. Hermione had also had her hair straightened - highlighted with silver paint as well - and pulled back in a knot at the nape of her neck, a black ribbon tied it together with a shear black scarf. Ron wanted to cry and Harry wanted to run.

"Well?" Hermione asked, purely irritated. 

When neither boy said anything Hermione picked up her wand and stormed out of the room, muttering curses that would make even a sailor proud.

"Well..." Ron began carefully. "At least she turned off the noise."

"Ha-ha," Harry answered. They both looked around the room while the other girls filed back in. They thanked them and the boys left the dorm to go down to the common room.

No one was left in the common room. It was, relatively, late. Harry and Ron both figured that everyone had gone to bed. Everyone, that is to say, except for Hermione. 

"Think we should go looking for her?" Ron asked.

"If we don't," Harry started. "Then she could possibly cause more trouble. If not trouble, then make a mess of just about everything. Come on, we better save her."

"I think I have an idea," Ron suggested and picked up the Floo Powder. "A good idea..."

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Both Harry and Ron sat on the couch coughing. Derrick Smith poured both boys a glass of sweetened iced tea and handed it to them, telling them to drink slowly. In real life, Derrick was taller then the boys expected; standing at nearly seven foot tall. He dropped into the chair across from his young visitors and took a sip of his own iced tea.

"How did you find this place?" Derrick asked curiously.

"I seen the school emblem when we'd first contacted you," Ron answered. "I looked up the emblem in the school library and here we are."

Derrick nodded while he was listening. "Smart move boys, the name of the school isn't kept private, just the location."

"By the way," Harry said. "Where are we?"

"Ah yes, I forgot," Derrick smiled. "I welcome you to my home; The Asylum! Home to myself and my "gang" from the school. You should meet them someday." Derrick stood from his seat and bid Harry and Ron to follow. "Come, you boys must be starving. Myra just made chili."

"Chilly?" Ron asked, confused.

"No, Chili," Derrick replied with the two boys following behind him. "Ground beef, tomatoes, sauce, hot sauce, and red wine. Myra's secret ingredient. Oh, don't worry boys, the alcohol is cooked out and just the flavor remains. She's a great cook."

Harry and Ron followed quietly, Myra was in the kitchen. She'd just set out several bowls on the table.

"Hi Boys, ready to eat?" Myra was short. That's all Harry could think. She was barely five foot tall, if that, with dark green eyes and dark brown hair. She smiled brightly. "I hope your trip was a safe one, Derrick never could go through one of those things without tossing his lunch-"

"Too much information Myra." Derrick grumbled and gave both Ron and Harry a bowl of the chili. "Eat. When you're done you can go back to Hogworts."

"But what about Hermione?" Ron asked. Harry was too busy eating.

"She's just in a funk," Derrick answered.

"Been there, done that, took pictures," Myra cut in. "She'll get over it shortly. Just give her some space to breathe. She's still in classes isn't she?"

"Yes, I believe so." Ron answered. "If she didn't go to classes she might explode."

"There you have it!" Myra said. "Just let her be and she'll be back to normal. She's doing her normal routine, she's miserable, sure, but when she's done she'll be happy again. You boys are just over reacting."

"Don't worry about her," Derrick smiled. "Come, I'll escort you back to Hogworts."

"I thought you couldn't go through the fireplace." Ron stated. Harry rinsed out his and Ron's bowl.

"You are correct, young blood," Derrick nodded.

"Don't worry," Myra whispered to the boys. " 'Young Blood' is a compliment that Derrick uses. It means you're still young enough to be childish but adult enough to know what you can and can't do in your life."

Harry and Ron nodded.

"As I was saying," Derrick poked Myra in the ribs. "There is certainly more then one way to get from one place to another."

Myra muttered in another language, one that niether Harry or Ron understood, at Derrick; whom laughed. "I love you too Myra."

"Schmuck."

"Why thank you!"

"What did she say?" Harry asked when the three had left Myra alone in the kitchen.

"What language was that?" Ron asked.

"First," Derrick said. "Myra is elfish. Not what you are used to, where to you they look like little nobby potatoes. Here, the elves look just like Man. Just with pointy ears and very long lives-"

"How old is she?" Ron asked.

"What did she say?!" Harry asked again, getting irritated.

"Myra is about 60 years old, I think." Derrick answered. 

"whoa…" Ron muttered.

Again, Harry yelled; "What did she say?!"

"Child, calm down before I turn you into a nobby potato," Derrick threatened. "And don't you dare think I won't because I will. You might be the 'Famous Harry Potter' but you mean jack to me." Derrick out away the wand he had inadvertently drawn and straightened his vest. "Now, as to what she said, I would have to say that you are too young to understand but I will tell you anyways. She said 'May the fleas of a thousand camels rest in your armpits.'" Derrick led the boys up stairs and paused at the second flight. "She's from a desert land far to the east and in another realm completely. Hence the reference to camels."

"Americans are crazy," Ron whispered to Harry, whom nodded his agreement.

Derrick opened a door and asked Harry and Ron to step through, they could see one of the familiar empty classrooms from their school. The three walked through the door and down the hall.

"What kind of door was that?" Ron asked.

"Full of questions," Derrick observed. "Best way to get information I would guess. That is just a simple portal. You'll learn about them in your last year of school, I think. Ah, here we are."

Derrick paused at the picture of the Fat Lady; whom bid Derrick greetings by name. Derrick bowed to the Lady and bid his greetings as well. Ron and Harry looked up at Derrick questionly. 

"I met my girlfriend in this school once long ago." Derrick explained. "And spent lots of time out here, before her House, talking. We're getting married next year."

Both Harry and Ron nodded, saying a collective "Ah," and bid him goodnight as well. Leaving him outside and in the hall way. 

"Derrick?"

Derrick turned around and smiled softly when Hermione walked into sight. He bowed to her in turn.

"Derrick, what are you doing here?" Hermione questioned her American friend. 

"Looking for you actually," Derrick answered. "Been in a bad mood I hear." He added, changing the subject over to his young friend.

Hermione nodded quietly.

"Come, young blood," Derrick smiled. "Come and visit me for a little while in America and I'll buy you some ice cream."

Hermione nodded again. "Sure." 

Derrick took his young friend by the arm and the two walked back towards the portal.

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Since the next day was Saturday, Harry and Ron didn't bother with the fact that they hadn't seen Hermione since the day before when she got mad and left the tower. They actually spent the day doing something neither one of them dreamt of doing. They were doing homework. 

**__**

Authors note: Before continuing, please scream and get the horror of the forbidden word "homework" out of your system. -cues the theme song for Jeopardy- Thank you. You may now continue.

A warm breeze wafted into the common room from the open window, one of the girls had spread flowers all over the room, giving it a perfume-y scent. It wasn't bad, actually Harry kind of liked it. He could tell that Ron did too, but then again, Ron was one of those "hopeless romantics" that so many hear and read about in books. After lunch Ron and Harry walked out onto the lawn to nap in the sun by the lake. They got into a long conversation about what it would be like to be characters in a book, or even short stories.

Harry yawned, shortly followed by a yawn from Ron. The end of summer heat was beginning to get to them. It wasn't until Ginny walked up behind them did anything of interest happen.

"Have either of you seen Hermione?" Ginny asked, holding up a school book. "She was supposed to help me study about Muggles."

"Nope," Harry answered, his eyes still closed against the sun's glare. 

"Not since late last night," Ron answered as well. 

"Because no one can find her," Ginny said softly as she walked away.

Harry sat up and stared at Ron. "No one can find her?"

"Not even Dumbledore?" Ron questioned Harry, as if he knew all the right answers.

Harry shrugged. "Do you think we should go find her?"

Ron nodded slowly and the two friends got up and ran back to the castle.

"It's times like this," Ron panted. "That I hate having to save her hide every time."

"I guess it's payback," Harry said as they reached the doors. "For all the times she's saved our hides in our school work."

"Figures it'd be something like that,"

Harry and Ron wondered into the castle and up the stairs, acting as if they were just tired of being outside. Once they were on the right floor they began to search the empty classrooms and closets for the door back to America. Their search was becoming futile at the end of three hours.

"I can't do this Harry," Ron said, both boys were hot and sweating and tired of searching the classrooms for something that they couldn't possibly find. "I can't search for her like this and not find her."

Harry looked up in time to see tears spill. Ron was… crying.

"Ron," Harry whispered softly.

"You don't get it Harry," Ron shook his head. "I love her!"

"You do?"

Harry and Ron looked up, Hermione was standing at the door of the closet. Derrick stood behind her with a hand on her shoulder, he was smiling while Hermione looked as if she was going to cry as well.

"Yes," Ron said. "Forgive me for being so straightforward but-"

"Don't worry about it," Hermione interrupted him. "With friends like Derrick and Myra, I'm used to it."

"I mean what I say Hermione," Ron whispered. "I love you."

"But," Hermione paused, as if looking for the right words to explain. "I don't feel the same way…. You see, I can't love you like that…"

"Why not?" Harry questioned. Derrick thwacked him on the back of the head and brought a finger to his lips, hissing for Harry to shut up.

"I'm…" Hermione took a deep breath. "A lesbian."

Both Harry and Ron fainted.

"Good job," Derrick patted Hermione on the top of the head like a puppy. "You managed to get them both to bow down to you, just not in the manner one would expect."

"Oh, do shut up and help me get them to Madam Pomfrey's."

"Yes Master," Derrick joked and lugged Ron over his shoulder. Hermione drew her wand and cast a spell that would make Harry float. 

"Oy," Derrick muttered under his breath. "Man, this dude is heavy."

"Well," Hermione began. "I never said he was light, now did I?"

"True enough," Derrick agreed. "Now be a good little girl and tell me where to go, I can't carry this guy much farther!"

"Down the stairs," Hermione answered. "Just follow me."

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Madam Pomfrey bustled about, going from one bed to another, giving necessary medicine when it was needed. Harry woke up from his daze and grabbed his glasses from the table next to the bed. He was so used to this particular place he hated it. Ron was sitting up in the bed next to him, his knees brought up to his chest, rocking back and forth. 

"Morning Sunshine!"

Derrick Smith bopped into the hospice and put two handfuls of flowers on the table. "I see you both are finally up. Hermione asked me to stop by and give you these. How're you boys holding up?"

"Fine, I guess," Harry answered. Ron didn't say anything.

"Ah, I see he isn't over the shock yet," Derrick flopped into a chair and perched his foot on Harry's borrowed bed. "Hey man, it's a normal reaction. To be honest, when I first heard I was pretty shocked myself. At least she got it off her chest, she's happy now, thus she's back to 'normal' whatever the hell that's supposed to mean."

Derrick smiled brightly. Harry just nodded his acknowledgement.

"She's happy then, really happy, right?" Ron questioned Derrick. He nodded his answer, Ron nodded as well. "Then I'm happy for her, too. Come on Harry, I want to get out of here."

Ron got up and left the hospice, leaving Derrick and Harry alone.

"And tomorrow shall come again," Derrick got up and put on his floor length leather coat. "Always coming but never actually here, such a marvelous thing really." He bowed to Harry and walked through the door, disappearing in an instant. Not through the door, but through the portal back to America.

"Americans sure are something else." Harry sighed.

"We're not insane," Derrick poked his head back through the portal. "We're just not normal. Farewell Harry, tell Hermione I'll talk to her again soon." And he was gone again. This time for good.

Harry got up, picked up his bag, and walked out of the hospice.

"'And tomorrow shall come again.'" Harry repeated with a shrug.

"Come on Harry!" Ron called from down the hall. "Let's go to Hogsmead, I'll treat you to a butterbeer!"

Harry ran down the hall after Ron.

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